Drivers! Start! Your! Engines!

I have three words that would make any self respecting 7th+ grader quiver: Back to school. First off, you're being sent back into the hell of the academic system again, for another 180 days of you life. Did you know that you spend the equivalent of 6 years of your life in grades 1-12?Plus all the time and money spent towards college. Second, you've got to get used to all new teachers, classrooms and schedules. And then there's the school bus. I've had my share of bus drivers. I've had angry drivers, one who was always late, and then a substitute I swear had lead feet. Then there's my sister's bus driver.

My current bus driver is funny as hell, friendly, and the radio station he listens to has a great morning show (not that it can beat Preston and Steve on MMR). Only one problem. Roy is always late. My bus is supposed to pick me up at 7:00 in the morning. Often times I'm waiting until 7:10. A) Its morning, which I don't cope with well, B) He's late. I have people to see and things to do in the morning. C) Just wait 'til it starts raining or snowing, or the damn wind is blowing with avengeance. If you're a bus driver, please have the decency to pick your kids up on time.

The substitute bus driver, whom we'll call "Rhonda" for lack of a better name, from last year was...scary. School buses do NOT equate to stock cars or street racers. They're not made for that kind of stress. And residential streets aren't for quick speed ups and then slamming on the breaks 5 feet before a stop sign, turn or speed bump. Apparently, none of this information phased Rhonda. Man, she would go barreling down the street the WHAM! hit the breaks and almost caught air off the speed bump. Whiplash, much?

My sister "Marie" is in elementary school, so one would expect the bus drivers to be a little more safety rigourous. However, Marie's driver "Laura" is just fucking obnoxious. Every single stop, Laura uses the intercom to say "Wait. Look both ways! Alright." and then, when the kid is crossing the street: "No running!". Look woman. I've been waiting here for 10 minutes, if not more because you always manage to run late because you spend 5 minutes every stop directing the kids over the intercom, sometimes in the wind/rain/snow, and you're wasting even more of my time? There aren't any cars in the intersection, nor are any coming. Let the damn kid cross! I want to go home! It's lovely that you're teaching the kids to be safe, but do you really need to use the intercom every single day? Teach them on the bus, and keep your trap shut once the kid steps off the bus.

Don't drive away Laura, I'm not done with you. I was out walking the dogs, heading away from my house. I legitimately have somewhere to go, someone to meet, and what do I see coming down the street? That's right. Marie's bus. I was crossing the street, headed even farther from home, by the time Laura pulls up to the stop sign. What does she do? She lets Marie off the bus. Why the hell would you do that? I know that Laura knows what direction we live in, because she sees walking home everyday, seeing as she drives past in the same direction. I was headed the OPPOSITE direction of home, yet this woman lets a young child off four blocks before her usual stop. According to Marie, Laura said something along the lines of "Well, she's here, so you may as well get off here." FUCK NO! I'm standing on the corner, confused and outraged, not moving. By pulling that stunt, Laura wasted 20 minutes of my time, walking Marie home and continuing with my walk. [Next time she tries to drop Marie off in the middle of my walk, I'm making Marie get back on the bus.]

Bus drivers are great and all, and they have a lot of responsibilities. But, for the love of all the ways I could potentially make your life a living hell, save the safety talks for on the bus, be on time, and most importantly, DON'T BE STUPID!